Have you ever seen that TV show called “Golden Boy?” (Well apparently, not many have. It has been cancelled for next year.) The show features a young rookie homicide cop who is filled with anger issues against his father, mother, co-workers, and many others. His wise, veteran partner has to deal with him and all of his anger. So he gives him these words of wisdom:
“Each of us have two wolves within us: the wolf of anger and violence, and the wolf of harmony and peace. Which wolf grows bigger and stronger is determined by which one you feed.”
In today’s Gospel (Matthew 5:20-26), Jesus tells us that it is not good to let anger build up within us, and that we need to reconcile with those we may have hurt. We must do this before we can come to the altar of God. This is one of the reasons that the Sign of Peace has been placed BEFORE the reception of Holy Communion. In other words, we need to be at peace with one another before we can receive the gift of the Lord in the Eucharist.
We must not let our anger reside within us. To let go of our anger is of primary importance to living out our vocation of being disciples of Jesus Christ.
But how do we learn to let go of our anger? Here are some things to do when you’re feeling angry:
1. When you are angry, say nothing.
Thomas Jefferson said it best: “When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” It is far better not to act immediately and have to regret it later. Make an effort to sit with that feeling of anger and accept that you have it.
2. Always try to understand those you are angry with.
Put yourself in their shoes and be open to their perspective of things. We may never really know what is going on in their lives.
3. Ask yourself: why is this bothering me so much?
You really need to think about this one. Is the problem really with the other person, or is it just my own issue?
4. Breathe deeply.
There is nothing like taking several long, deep breaths to clear the mind and soul.
5. Meditate.
Similar to breathing deeply, but taking more time to isolate yourself from the situation and deeply thinking on what happened and trying to eliminate any thoughts of hostility and resentment.
6. Smile.
This one is hard to do when you are angry. But if you can manage to do this in the heat of the moment, it will certainly change your perspective and disposition.
7. Journal about it.
There is nothing like writing things down to get it off your chest. This is a great way to channel your anger without the risk of verbally hurting others. The power of the pen is mightier than the sword!
8. Pray about it.
I can’t stress this one enough. When you are angry, take a moment to pray to God about it, and ask to remove the powerful clutch of anger that is currently strangling you. Ask for forgiveness and the power to forgive, listen and be a child of God. Prayer can change the world, but it has to change you first!
9. Focus on creating a solution.
Anger is often a healthy reaction to a situation, as long as it doesn’t get out of control. But your anger should lead you to resolving the issue. It should never just linger, but a resolution is a necessity. You may not want to hear this, but this is where forgiveness comes into the picture.
10. Learn from it.
Now that you have created a solution, now you need to learn from this experience. You’ve got to ask, how can I improve my response to anger going forward? What will I do differently the next time this happens? If you don’t ask these questions, you cannot learn from your experience of anger.
So to echo the words of that wise, veteran cop: which wolf will you feed today?
