You’ve Got a Saint-Maker!

Have you ever encountered someone who was difficult to work with or was challenging to be around? For the most part, we always seem to get along or even become friends with most of our co-workers. But every one in a while, we stumble across one of two people who just seem to get under our skin.

The problem is basic human nature: some people easily become friends while others simply don’t get along. Looking back, I can recall being in this situation where no matter what I did, the two of us just couldn’t manage to connect.

While recently on retreat, I was reading a story about someone who had asked an old monk for advice on how to deal with a challenging co-worker. The monk responded in a cheery voice, “You’ve got a saint-maker! A saint-maker is a term we use in the cloister. You see, it’s inevitable that when you enter a monastery, you’re not going to automatically be friends with every member of the community. It’s human nature. Some guys you really like, most you can get along with, but there always seems to be one or two who drive you nuts. Those brothers are saint-makers because they are the ones that God uses to help you grow in holiness.” (In other words, God wants us to become better Christians by learning how to deal with these annoying people.) The monk continued, “The thing to remember is that you are probably someone else’s saint-maker too. That thought is what really keeps us humble. We want everyone to like us but of course not everyone does.”

This really hit me hard, and I reflected on this for quite some time. When we dislike another person, we find ourselves focusing on how we want them to change. Basically, we want them to amend their behaviors and eliminate their bad habits just to make our lives better. That is not a healthy or spiritual way to live. But if we can see that person as a saint-maker, perhaps we can accept the fact that we cannot change them but rather we’re the ones who need to change. Maybe we need to learn to be more merciful. Maybe we should change some of our own unpleasant behaviors and bad habits. Maybe we need to take a good look into the mirror and see how we are reflecting ourselves to others.

When it comes down to it, each of us ultimately has a choice on how we relate to others. We are the ones who decide if we will be kind, loving, forgiving, friendly, considerate, etc. And we have this same choice for those who we struggle to like.  If we can manage to choose this high road, there is hope that we all can get along. Then perhaps we can begin to carry out the words of Jesus to truly love one another.

May God continue to bless us with saint-makers throughout our journey of life. May they help us to see that we are not yet saints and that we still have more work to do. We pray for the strength to be more like Jesus to all whom we encounter.