While in deacon formation, one of our final steps before ordination was to meet with the diaconate board for final approval. The board was made up of both clergy and lay people and their primary responsibility was to make sure that we were prepared for ordained service to God’s people. I guess you could compare this to a final job interview – that lasted for more than four years.
The pressure was on, and I was feeling it. As I had mentioned before, I am a worrier, so this was an extremely stressful event in my life. We had a specified time to be there, so while I was waiting with my classmates, I felt pretty good about it all. One of my classmates emerged from his interview and stated that it was not so bad. But then another came out and said that it was a brutal experience. (They had two different groups interviewing us.) My stress level shot through the roof! I was feeling sick to my stomach, and apparently I was looking quite pale.
I remember praying, “Lord, please help me. I am nervous, scared, perhaps even terrified, and I need to calm down.” I tried to take a deep breath, but all I could muster was a shallow whimper. Instead of allowing God to take me by the hand and lead me where he wanted me to go, I wanted to lead God to where I was. I was so worried that I forgot to let God be God.
It’s very difficult for us to let go of our stresses and worries and place these in the hands of God. We want to control every aspect of our lives. But we need to remember that sometimes, if not most times, we cannot do it alone. We need to remember that God is right there with us, holding us, leading and guiding us along the way. This Advent let us strive to let go of ourselves, to understand that we are not in control, and that we need the calming presence of our Savior in our lives. As we await the Lord’s coming, let us pray that we are able to hear the voice of God when he whispers, “Fear not, I will help you.”
