And Now, I Wait

I am one of the disciples of Jesus. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I am in hiding because of the events that have recently taken place. After what had happened to Jesus, I feared for the worst. All I could think about was could this possibly happen to me as well? I was terrified, and I fled for my life. Here I thought that my faith was strong enough to withstand anything; but man, was I wrong. I abandoned my Lord, and I feel awful. He told us to trust in him, but I didn’t. But can you blame me? I’ve never been so frightened in my entire life.

And now, I wait.

So many questions are racing through my mind, and that feeling of peace that once existed seemed to have died upon that cross with Jesus. What did he do to deserve such punishment? Why did everyone suddenly hate him? Why did they have to kill him? Why did I have to kill him?

I sit here, hiding away like some coward – afraid to move, afraid to speak, afraid to believe. And these questions keep welling up from within: what do I do now? Where do I go from here? How can I possibly carry on? My Lord, my teacher, my friend is gone. I feel so lost, abandoned, and alone.

And now, I wait.

Jesus told us that he would rise from the dead; but after witnessing his agonizing and tortuous death, how could that even be? He said that he would always be with us. You know, I was never quite sure what he meant, and I was just too afraid to ask. I didn’t want to come across as some unbelieving cretin; though maybe, that’s who I am. I want to believe, but something is holding me back. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid to let go of the past, and even more afraid to embrace the future. Maybe it’s the fear of darkness that surrounds me. Jesus always told us that there would be darkness before the light; that we first needed to die in order to have life.

And now, I wait.

If I have learned anything over these past couple of days, it’s this: I must trust in God’s word and truly believe that Jesus will always be with me – guiding and helping me in everything that I do. I know now that my God and Savior will never leave me alone, especially during the difficult times in my life. I know that Jesus is suffering right along with me, and that brings me comfort and hope.

Even though Jesus is lying in a cold and sealed tomb, I now realize that this is not the end. There’s more to this story. Jesus died for all of our sins. He loves us that much! Therefore, I believe that he will rise from the dead, because he said he would. And Jesus was a man of his word, and his word is life!

In God, whose word I praise and in whom I trust; I shall no longer fear. Come to me, Jesus, for you are my rescuer and my help. O Lord, do not delay.

And now, I wait.